How I Found My Writing Superpower

I’ve been a member of the WGAW since 1995. I was in the graduate Playwrights’ Workshop at the University of Iowa when Universal optioned my first screenplay. That project never got made, but I began writing for television and worked pretty steadily all the way up to COVID. Since then it’s been a struggle, not just for myself, but for a lot of writers in Hollywood. Thankfully, the one thing that is no longer too much of a struggle is my mental health.

Working in film and television allowed me, the son of a bus driver and a factory worker, to get married and raise three kids. The dream that I lived as a Hollywood writer is now sadly not nearly as possible as it was when I started. In the streaming model, fewer writers are working through production, shutting them out from valuable writer-producer experience. 

I started seeing a therapist in the early ‘90s and was diagnosed with both generalized anxiety and depression, and prescribed a variety of different anti-depressants. After a few years of talk therapy, I felt like I was just going through the same stories over and over. My father was a Korean War veteran, and an abusive alcoholic. When I was 6, he almost drowned me at a local recreation center swimming pool during what was supposed to be a swimming lesson. Whenever I saw Jackie Gleason playing bus driver Ralph Kramden on old reruns of The Honeymooners, I was reminded of my old man. Especially when Ralph threatened to punch his wife Alice with the words, “One of these days, Alice! Pow! To the moon!” In my house, those punches were all too real and not just threats made for laughs.

After my mother became ill with cancer in 2006 and passed away five months later, I suffered a manic breakdown, the result of which was a diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder. Bipolar II to be exact. Still, I kept working. I kept functioning at a high level. And outside of my own immediate family, I didn’t tell anybody about my diagnosis. Initially, out of denial and shame. Later, for fear of being stigmatized, and for fear of not being hirable. I got put on a whole new slew of anti-depressants, most of which only treated the “depression” part of Bipolar. And Depakote, then still one of the big guns in the Bipolar medicine cabinet, only made me feel like I was perpetually walking under water, with no urges to do anything, including get out of bed. 

Thankfully, though, I started seeing a psychiatrist who specialized in cognitive behavioral therapy, and he encouraged me to start doing things differently and got me on a more modest regimen of the right meds. Since then, I’ve been in the management phase of Bipolar. I’ve been in that “phase” for 20 years. And it's that phase you have probably never seen in a television series or movie. At least not yet.

Just a few years ago, I read an op-ed piece in the Los Angeles Times by Dr. Devika Bhushan, California’s then Surgeon General. Dr. Bhushan proclaimed that Bipolar was her superpower and it made her a better doctor, spouse, parent, and friend. I started thinking back on my own career, most of it spent while being Bipolar. I worked on the first season of The West Wing and shared an Emmy Award for Best Drama script with Aaron Sorkin. It was only my second job. From The West Wing, I went to work on Six Feet Under, writing and producing episodes during all five seasons of the show. Then I did stints on Mad Men, Nurse Jackie, House of Cards, and Archer. I chalked up five more Emmy nominations and three Writers Guild Awards along the way, all while being Bipolar. I believe that I wasn’t a successful writer in spite of being Bipolar, I was successful because of it.

Since then, I’ve thought a lot about the connection between creativity and mental illness. I read Kay Redfield Jamison’s An Unquiet Mind and Touched By Fire: Manic-Depressive Illness and the Artistic Temperament. And then a friend sent me an article about a psychiatric study conducted at the University of Iowa (my alma mater) in the 1970s. The final study consisted of 30 subjects, all of them graduate writers in Iowa’s acclaimed Writers’ Workshop. The rate of mood disorders was very high among the subjects of this study: 80 percent had some type of mood disorder, and 30 percent were diagnosed with Bipolar I or Bipolar II. 

I’m not going to suggest that Bipolar is a walk in the park, or in any way easy. At its worst, it causes a way above-average amount of pain and suffering. For the person with Bipolar, and for their friends and loved ones. (I used to tell my wife that I wished I had cancer, because with cancer, I imagined that you could at least discuss your disease without shame or fear.) Nowadays, though, more and more people with mood disorders flourish in high pressure, creative environments. When managed in the long term, I believe that Dr. Bhushan is right, it is something very much akin to a superpower. 

My guess is there are a lot of Bipolar writers in Hollywood. Many might be undiagnosed, while others are a fearful of sharing their diagnosis in the workplace. Unfortunately, most Hollywood portrayals of Bipolar Disorder still make it seem like a wildly unpredictable ‘Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde’ kind of condition. Depicting characters who suffer debilitating mood swings makes for dramatic television. But I also believe that in depicting the life of someone with Bipolar, this characterization isn’t entirely accurate. 

Note to Other Bipolar Writers: If you’re Bipolar and haven’t yet shared your diagnosis, I get it. But think about it. If you’re in a good place, where you’re managing your work and personal life with your condition, think about everyone you could help by letting them know about your diagnosis. Every one of us who comes out of the mental illness closet, helps decrease stigmatism. 

If you suspect you might be Bipolar or have a different mood disorder, hopefully you have insurance. (My WGA insurance has been a life saver for me and my family many times.) Use it to find and see a therapist or psychiatrist. If your symptoms are getting in the way of your life or work, do something about it. It might take a while to find your balance, but if I can do it, so can you.

Rick Cleveland is a mentor with the Veterans Writing Program. As a television writer, he won an Emmy and three Writers Guild Awards for his work on The West Wing, Mad Men and House of Cards. He also wrote for Six Feet Under, Nurse Jackie, Legit and Archer.